"The veil between this life and the next, is but the beating of butterfly wings"
a woman's voice in my head said as I laid down exhausted, and sober. I felt my death, ...this one such a peaceful beautifully almost expected, compared to others, but even more so, because this time just me all alone, I monarched,(I know the dark connotations of that, but it's the only word that comes to mind) I moved on to my next incarnation and got to EXPERIENCE IT. Now it's such a faded memory of a dream, but during it was amazing, I lived through a caccooning funny it seemed so short matter of seconds that I was the caterpillar, I couldn't grasp, but this lonely caccooning had called my soul out to witness the metamorphosis firsthand. I flew around and lived as a butterfly for two weeks, the only link back to human existence being those words. Overtime as my consciousness meshed, I realized I was that voice, they were the words I said as I welcomed death, knowing that it was just a door... when I woke up, I don't think even seconds had passed...
memory years before: A man I loved and respected saying:
"Some of the groups people are born into, others they choose you, you can't choose them. Still others lay claim to you or you claim them through your actions and allegiances. They've been watching you, most already know if they are going to claim you or not. I think you know what groups that you were born into by now, and I hope that you are starting to get the idea of which groups claim you."
Oh why hadn't I paid closer attention? I might have some allegiances now... But it had all felt so surreal, My mind told me that it was designed that way, plausible deniability.
They called it "The Game" as best I could figure, people had figured out the matrix and found out how to, (or maybe we were always meant to?) play it as you would a computer game.
Reality around me was coming apart at the seams, because, from what I could see, this 'game' was THE MOST DANGEROUS GAME. At all (almost all , I caught them slipping up enough times that I'd gotten some compelling evidence) times they employed smoke and mirrors, drugging, programming, hypnosis, 2-3 degrees of separation etc. any and all means to maintain secrecy and plausible deniability, but there was still so much of an underlying current of being in the middle of a war between both good and bad forces, I couldn't tell who was who. Sure many of these were people who I knew my whole ilfe, but suddenly it seemed like I was in the Truman Show and people were proverbially taking their masks off and showing me different connections, it felt mind blowing and reality shattering, yet I went back and forth on thinking that I was having a nervous breakdown or a dream, or some malingering effects of the datura. My handler, as I had come to the conclusion that he was, had made himself such out of necessity, Though this didn't account for my lingering unanswered questions about my childhood, and the patterns and conclusions I was coming to about the other handlers. But right now what I could see him doing was absolute magic to me and though he could be an asshole with a temper sometimes, so could I, I trusted his intentions and moral compass, that is what mattered...Then came the duality and the doubts...The anger about what separates us from them if we employ the same tactics. The only reason that I still trusted him was because I had seen him ask the same question. I'd seen him refuse orders on the grounds that it would endanger his soul, and I knew that he would ask nothing less of me than to do the same even if those orders came from him.
