Puzzle Pieces

Late summer of 2020, I woke up from a really bad seizure where I had lost bladder control. A thought momentarily crosses my mind that what if a seizure like that is a death in another dimension, I shake it as fairly illogical. I look over and my husband is lying inside the wall or rather at the bottom of a man sized hole in the wall snoring, and apparently he lost bladder too, now that is strange... I check on my children, even stranger they've all wet the bed. I realized that I seem to have considerable amnesia and a dream or memory of thinking "I failed, we're all dead." After everyone and everything is cleaned up my husband claims to not know any more than I do, I don't believe that though. My youngest son started singing a nursery rhyme about a looking glass and rewind in a voice that didn't quite seem like him, then he said that we've been given a reset. I wasn't given much time to plunge the depths of the amnesia, Later when my memory came back it was all the memories of why I shouldn't trust my 'husband'. Over the next few days and weeks things were really strange, I was extremely protective over my children against my husband, but I didn't know why. If he tried to pick up the baby, something lurches in my gut, a fear that I don't know why I have. I make the excuse that I need to feed her and pull her out of his arms. I check myself, I seem to have no fear of him, no recent bad memories, yet my mother instinct rages like never before if he goes near them. I know that he notices it, after a time I dismiss my fears as illogical. I found military service medals and ribbons scattered in the yard and house. My brain links them to a fight and my husband being in the wall but I don't know why as I can't bring a concrete memory up, and it seems illogical that military would be fighting in full brass and at my house, yet here were the medals and patches... Now I have a memory from a time right before that of it being dawn and I'm hypnotized into paralysis, my husband repeatedly telling me to look at him and not at the noises in the kitchen, where I can hear and sometimes see military types ransacking the kitchen looking for something, periodically he hollers for them to hurry up. I don't get a sense that thry or he are really my enemy, I'm just pissed that I'm sidelined. When his attention is distracted I try to run and he grabs my shoulders telling me to look into his eyes, and that they (The men in the kitchen) don't exist. I worry about the children and he tells me that they are safe. Eventually they leave and he relaxes, I know now that it won't do any good to go look in the kitchen. I break into body racking sobs from the release. I say "I failed the mission, he's dead." (now I don't know why I said that or what it was about.) My husband comforts me until I fall asleep saying I did everything that I could... and I'm sorry that he's dead and it had to happen this way... I never found out who died, though at the time I knew for it to be shattering... There was another similar time. I was sitting in the chair in the living room, my husband was keeping me in a paralysis, this time I was fighting it with everything that I had, tears were streaming down my face and my body was quivering all over with the effort. I could hear men walking through the house. i finally quit fighting and started looking around, I spotted the mirror and tried to see if I could see them he realized that and moved my chair and the mirror. I started listening to the footsteps and noises to see what I could identify. He said this isn't working and started an induction to put me under deeper. my last thought was 'why have me that aware to begin with?' So when my husband has told me (i have one instance on video another in text, another a recorded phone call) repeatedly over the years that he hypnotized me for my own good and to help me. I don't fucking believe it. Especially after one time that I broke out of the hypnosis and he realized that it was because I didn't trust him. he told me to "go in deeper and remove all memories of betrayal"